im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
