That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
