Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
