Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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