let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
