your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
