what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
