Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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