You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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