No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
