have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
