dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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