Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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