I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
