He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
