Your dad touched me again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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