I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
