I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
