i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
