so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
