Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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