she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
