Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
