I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
