apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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