i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
