you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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