seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
