Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
