I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
