I wish I only lived at night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
