"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
