OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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