my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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