sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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