just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
