my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
