alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
