he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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