My room smells like vodka and shame
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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