Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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