Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
