I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
