This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
