I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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