GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
