I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
