Church boner. Awkwardddd
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
