you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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