he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
