You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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