My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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