I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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