so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
